My Good Friend Rob

15 years ago, I sat in the main hall at the National Youth Worker’s Convention and was introduced to a pastor that would dramatically change the trajectory of my ministry and life. He was engaging. He was interesting. He was talking about our roots and calling us to look deeper at the text. He had black rimmed glasses and wore skinny jeans before the fad was cool for men. He was so intriguing.

The following year, I decided to take an intensive course from him at NYWC and I sat for 8+ hours listening to him undo much of what I knew to be the 'gospel' of church work. He talked about sabbath and boundaries and authenticity. He confessed to doubt and disgust. This was unheard of in my church world. The following day, he was a main stage speaker and he engaged the hearts of thousands with a teaching on the ancient Jewish prayer shawl. He talked about the beauty and necessity of going to that quiet place and the sacred gift of being honest with God. And he promised us that God could handle anything we had to say.

Right on the convention room floor, I crawled to my hands and knees, put my face on my chair and wept. I’m sure that Lucas (who was attending with me that year) was terrified at the puddle of emotions that were oozing from my 2’x2’ folded body. There in that space, I was pastored and challenged and told that it was not ok to minister from an empty shell. Over the next 3 years, I followed and listened and devoured anything that came from a church named Mars Hill in Grand Rapids, MI. As he planted and pastored this community, he did so with a revolutionary voice.  I used his Nooma videos to teach and lead students and adults. I could not get enough because this was an expression of faith unlike anything that I had ever heard.  

And then something transformational took place. He wrote a book. About faith. And called it Velvet Elvis. That should say so much about this guy. He was clear that he did not speak in the language known to be safe and Jesus-y. I loved every word. To this day, I have multiple copies on my bookshelf at anytime to hand out to those wanting to ask questions. 

This book release coincided with a season in my own ministry that I knew I was being called out of my current understanding of church culture. What I was comfortable with was just that, comfortable. And in this season, I left full time vocational ministry for the uncomfortable world of listening. I didn’t know that in the decision to step away from traditional church life I was entering a season of and study and challenge and babies and church planting and personal bankruptcy and a call to return to wholeness and leadership.  

This journey played itself out over the last 10 years, and one of the most consistent voices of Jesus and bigger love and audacious grace has been Rob Bell. During the past decade I have seen him speak at a night club, a concert hall and on a college campus. Lucas and I took his grandparents to hear him speak in a historic theatre in San Antonio. I have traveled to southern California to sit with him for 2 days and smell the ocean as he moved his ministry from the local church to a global speaking ministry. I even have a letter he wrote to our elder board as a dear mutual friend encouraged us as leaders. And in each of these memories, I have so many deep, deep treasured holy moments. 

He has released books that have met me at my points of pain (Sex God and Jesus Wants to Save Christians) and he has ushered me into the sacred gift of creativity in faith. He has pushed me as a teacher and thinker, most recently with What is the Bible? I have followed and prayed for him as he was lifted high as a leader in the modern church and then destroyed by the Christian machine for introducing topics and conversations that were seen as threatening. I’ve listened to the RobCast with great excitement as he introduces people to a deeper desire to BE hope rather than just talk about it. He is passionate, creative, brilliant and someone that I still see as a soul builder many years later. 

When I went to his 2Day conference, I traveled with a dear friend and we shared space with 50 other men and women. This intimate group talked and encouraged and worked though the crisis of faith and church that many were navigating. At the end of the experience, Rob served each of us communion. I was 4 years sober at the time, and the cup offered to us was wine. In that moment, I was crushed that this sacred space was invaded for me by my own inability to fully participate in the meal. I was physically and emotionally devastated. The saving expression of gratitude was a journey to the beach that night whereby my friend reminded me of the waters of my Baptism which jarred me to the realization that God is not finished with me. Not even close.

Today, I am back on a plane to San Jose, CA. Tonight I am going to spend 24 hours alone working on a dream that was planted in my heart through my desire to never stop growing. Tomorrow, I will join my dear bonus sister at a retreat center in Santa Cruz to once again spend a few days being pastored by my good friend Rob. 

I am so thankful for his passion to never stop seeking God. 

I love the way that he is unafraid to speak redemption in the darkest corners. 

I am challenged by the way that he loves all and is bold about his truth. 

Maybe this time I can get the fangirl lump out of my throat and actually speak to him. 

I know. 

I KNOW.