I Don't Want To Be The Church-y Words Lady

You know her. The one whom every time she talks phrases like "I'll pray for you" and "God told me" and "I feel led" are woven into every story. Every good story evokes a "I am so blessed" and every story of struggle ends with "God won't give me more than I can handle." Yeah, I just cringe.

If you have ever lived through hell on earth, you know what it is like to hear the dreaded church-y words. Somewhere, perhaps in the grocery store or the prayer room or the funeral home, you've heard these:

I wonder what God is going to teach you in this season?
I know that (insert name of loved one) is going to be your angel in heaven.
Your continued battle with (disease of choice) will be lifted when you can fully put your trust in the Lord.
God would want you to know that...(whatever they learned at church last week).

I know every line. I have every possible church-ism memorized. I have wrongly used them myself. But, these words have a way of turning off listening ears. I just can't anymore.

Here's why:
I don't think that my dad has cancer because I needed more faith.
I can't trust a God that would take a loved one so that I could have an angel.
I cannot wrap my heart around a Savior that requires me to have perfect trust in order to avoid addiction.
I would rather you model for me how to listen to God than offer unsolicited faith bombs about things that you don't understand.

Obviously, these have happened one or hundreds of times to me. I'm a bit jaded. I know. And that's why I hesitate to tell stories like I am about to tell you. But, here is the thing. I can't listen and ask and seek a God that I am not willing to respond to. So, I trust that as you read this story, you know the heart of the over-spiritualizing avoiding gal from which it comes.

This story starts in a place of brokenness. I must confess that I really have a hard time with women. Go ahead, laugh. God laughs at me all the time. I have never been one to enjoy girl drama. I don't really like emoting. I couldn't care less about chit-chat and I have no tolerance for triangle relationships and gossip. Before you tell me that this is an unfair generalization, please know that 4 years at a girl's high school, involvement in a college sorority and 10 years on PTA's and booster clubs have given me more than a fair sampling and experiences. Oh, and did I mention that I'm a mom of two teenage girls? I win.

In my friendships, I gravitate toward men (insert all the reasons my boundaries are screwed up...I already know them) because I am a get-er-done, not afraid of conflict, tend to roll right over feelings kind of gal. I've worked hard on this, but in my wiring I am command driven and worn thin by underproduction. So, going to a meeting where 80% of the room is male means I get to use the words and they usually just want to solve a problem and move on. This is my jam. I say all of this to tell you that time and time and time again, I have be driven to my breaking point, only to find the hope and the solution in the heart of other women. This is God's great joke, I mean blessing, to me.

The older I get, the more I understand that I NEED women in my life. I need women that accept and love me as I was created. Fortunately, I have found them. They are my people. They know that when I cannot do anymore people-ing, I don't pick up the phone. They know that friendship with me often looks like GIFs of Snoop Dogg, snarky comebacks and group texts. All of which, I might add are heart felt tokens of trust and affection.

Let me get to the point. Not all women get me. I am a big personality. I charge headlong into a problem like a solution finder on a mission. I have been known to stop a story mid-crisis and suggest that we talk solution rather than war story. That's just me. And just like I know people don't get me, I don't always get others. This happens to be a huge problem in ministry. By gender and calling, most assume that I am the squishy lovey one. Nope. I really don't even like hugs.

This leads me to the nail salon. Last Friday, I was sitting in a moment of rest having my toes painted. For the previous 5 days, I had been mulling the fact that a weekend conference for women that I had scheduled a group to attend was cancelled. Now with the preceding few paragraphs, you probably assume that I was relieved. I was not. Because now I have my people. Many of my girls were headed to Dallas to listen to other women speak about life and growing up and Jesus. I was genuinely disappointed.

As I had my old toe nail polish removed, I had a stirring (I know churchy word, just go with me). What if I gathered a few of these great women and we shared our weekend in League City? So, I did what I do in these moments, I floated this idea to one of my people. This was literally the text back: "I would love to...God "nudged" me toward women's ministry today....hmmmm."

So, now what? On to my next text. The foot massage (or the Holy Spirit) quickly brought two women to the forefront of my mind. Both sent back immediate responses and by the time she was working on my post youth camp callouses, I had speakers. What else do we need? Music! Yoga! Stillness! I know some people. The text invites continued through the polish and the drying and the next two hours. In 3 hours, we had a vision, a theme, teaching topics, 4 speakers, two worship leaders and a yoga teacher.

If I had wanted to plan a dinner party, I can assure you that I could not get these 7 friend's schedules to coordinate in the next few months. Yet in hours, I had some of the busiest women I know committed to a weekend THIS September to remind other women that we are created...invited...included...loved. In the following 24 hours, we had a place to hold it, we had a dance company to inspire us and we had online registration up and running.

I'm good. But the work that took place in those 24 hours was divinely inspired work of a Faithful God that knows exactly what we need. There is no other language but the goofiest sounding words to describe how the carved out space and time and passion and heart of leaders, and excitement of the participants, has formed on Holy Ground.

There are times when phrasing is empty. There are times when I think people over exaggerate the intricacies with which the Divine is at work (i.e. I don't think God cares who wins Big Brother). But then there are times when we get out of the way and become vessels for God to show off. I have been moved to say some pretty goofy things about The Table in the past week. I have been acutely aware that I sound a little too excited. And for the record, I don't care. The truth of this story is that when you place yourself in the stream of hope and love that surrounds people who are longing for real life,  God honoring friendships, things like this happen. And sometimes the only way to explain it is to proclaim, I AM SOOOOO BLESSED!

I would be honored for anyone to join us for this amazing weekend.
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