Today was the last day of school. It started with the last school day alarm of the year. Glory. We grabbed yearbooks, coffee and #2 pencils and started the hour long carpool. But before we left the driveway, I turned on my freshly created last day of school playlist that included "No Diggity" and "Perm". Classic.
My first stop was the high school. Freshman year is over. Halle-freakin-lujah! Stop 2 included the pick up of two of my adopted favorites. This gave me a 7th grader, 6th grader and 4th grader to entertain. Bruno Mars is a favorite and we all enjoyed the serenade provided by the duo of 10 year-old boy and 42 year-old mom. Stop 3 is the drop off at junior high. If you can survive the drop off line at JH, you can do anything. Anything. Between stop 3 and 4, I had one last morning song which happened to be a House of Pain classic - "Jump Around," of course. Stop 4 is the elementary line which has become a joke with my young friend, as he loves to escape before I can give him an obnoxious "Have a nice day!"
As I drove off for the last time, I had a great moment of sadness. Next year, I will have a driver. This is the last last day of school morning with both girls. So weird and yet so, so good. They are happy. They have had success. They are growing to be great little adults and I'm so proud of their hard work.
The pick-up was expedited on a half day schedule. I had 3.5 hours to myself. I crammed in some tasks which included an interaction that took the day in a very different direction. I was flying high, and in a 45 second span of time, I was whiplashed from high-high to low-low. You know those moments that it feels like someone just knocks the blocks out from under your beautiful journey? Yep. It was one of those. Sucker punch. Damn it.
This was only 11am. I had much of the day ahead of me, including a celebration lunch with my carpool crew, a visit to a new physical therapist with my 11 year-old, a chance to see two more of my favorite teenagers, a quick trip to Big Lots - seriously, that store can make even the worst day better -and a final stop at yoga.
If you are tired to hearing about my yoga tales, too bad. Tonight was restorative yoga. One of my many downfalls in yoga the inflexibility of my hamstrings. One of the poses tonight was a seated wide leg forward fold. The key to restorative is not the stretch, but releasing into the pose to meditate. You hold each pose for 5+ min without moving. So, I knew that I was not only going to be unable to fold, but release was going to be impossible. And just when the gremlins in my mind began to say things like 'you can't do this' and 'this is not possible', my wise teacher reminded us to use our blocks and bolsters to "bring the ground to meet our body". Oh, baby! No, I could not force my inflexible back and body to the ground, but I was given tools (pillows and blankets and blocks) to bring the ground to me! The road was literally rising to meet me.
It was in that pose that I was reminded that in the midst of my earlier gut check, the road rose to me. You see, I have a support system like no other. I have friends and a sponsor and pastors and family and a spouse that totally get me. When I call or text with certain messages, they THANK ME for calling them. I am not a bother, just as they are not to me. They want to support me and be a bridge for and love me in those moments when the day goes from a Bruno Mars jam to MMA fight club.
Because here is the real deal, I have some demons that are life suckers. I have shame gremlins that are cruel. I have guilt and pity and fear and anger and loneliness that when left unchecked, can get me into situations that are dangerous and deadly. We all do. Some of us are just a bit more public in our humiliation opportunities.
Today could have gone very differently. And the super challenging part is that it's not over. I still have work to do because I am still breathing air. As long as that is happening, I will need the road to rise to me, because I cannot do this alone. And when I think I can, I'm in real trouble.
In my Lenten Longing blog, I wrote about having life vest friends. Today was a day that I needed mine. So I picked up the phone and called them. Not just one, but three of them. I needed the one that would let me complain and whine. Then I needed the one to tell me what to do next. Then I needed the one at home to know what the hell was making his wife a lunatic. It takes a village to raise a sane grown-up. The blocks and bolsters and blankets of our life are our greatest gifts. May we use them to feel the ground rise to us.
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